Let's Talk About Evil

The other night, Marielle and I went to see "Paranormal Activity" and we both found it to be exciting, nerve racking and kind of terrifying. There were many people in that theater who clearly felt the same way, such as the girl who was sitting next to me with her boyfriend who spoke out at one of the characters saying something like, "Don't you do that! You're opening up the door and inviting it (the demon) in!" Marielle and I smirked when we heard this, but and I admit, we both cringed every time the camera resumed it's midnight position on the sleeping protagonists... where shit always went down.

Then of course, there are those who have found this movie to be totally dull, over-hyped, and disappointing. This was seen in our theater too, where, at the peak of the movie's suspense, a piercing snore burst from one of the rows, followed by a young man's voice saying loudly,"What'd I miss? Did I miss anything?"

Well, I don't know if that kid was putting on like he was sleeping as commentary on the movie's pace or if he actually had fallen asleep and woken up confused and embarrassed, but either way, the point is the same: for some people, this movie wasn't even close to being scary.

Which is exactly what my dear friend Kate said to me the other night before I went to see it. She said even her little sister found the film boring, and she, as Kate put it, is a total wimp.

This puts me in a strange position, somewhere below wimpy, dare I say, wimpier than wimpy, because I felt my skin crawling for a little while even after the movie ended and I'm certainly not alone in this experience, being as how the movie has been so successful in climbing to the top of the box office from having started as an underground, independent film doing the festival circuit two years ago.

There are no doubt countless of reasons why some people find it scary and some people don't, many of which cases probably have something to do with a certain defensive stance people take towards anything that has gathered hype or good reviews. People like to assert their individuality by not liking something that is generally liked. Perhaps for many others, the movie didn't live up to the usual horror flick qualities that are the norm, such as blood and gore and jumpingoutfromcorners killers and monsters with red eyes and people getting killed while being naked
(which I've always hated for obvious reasons). But even with those things which are certainly all valid reasons, there was something that Kate had said that stuck in my mind for a while after seeing the movie. She said, "Well I've never believed in demons anyway, so it wasn't scary."

Maybe this is the key to why this movie is scary for some and totally not for others. I was raised to believe in demons. Marielle was raised Catholic, which of course, is the religion that has certified priests who are exorcists. In fact, in the short time since I've seen the movie and to the few people who I have talked to it about, I have seen that the ones who have found it scary were mostly raised as Christians or in Christian homes.

Slipping into a secular perspective, I'd have to say that this is an upsetting situation. Essentially, it means that parents, pastors, priests and teachers within the church are teaching their children that the monster under their bed is, in fact, real. Or in most cases, they are actually the first to tell their children that there is a monster under their bed at all. Just picture the children's Sunday school lesson where adults sit in a circle of young, impressionable minds, explaining the Christian cosmology of demons, Hell, and the devil. Of course, there are many discerning adults who gauge the maturity level of their listeners and preach/teach accordingly, but this is the stuff that has to be taught to young Christians eventually, just as it was taught to me. Implanted... injected.

And that's the whole thing. There is a fear that is created, so that the shelter or safety is necessary. This is the same with guilt. Christianity creates guilt (original sin and so on)... so that the cure is justified or necessary. These are the psychological mechanics of Christianity, regardless of whether demons and the devil or sin are actually real, the concepts themselves are very important as functions that create the whole atmosphere that is Christian belief.

When it comes down to it, God needs the devil, good needs evil, Heaven needs Hell. Elementary stuff: how could we know the nature of what is good if there wasn't some kind of opposite by which to compare it to? Opposites work against and with each other to create a certain balance that is necessary to this perspective. And I'm not saying that this perspective, the Christian perspective, is bad or wrong or evil, but I'm afraid that in creating the necessary dichotomies, Christianity and many other religions actually create evil in order to create good.

If, as I believe, the mind is a powerful, reality creating tool... then believing in demons, evil, hell, or original sin actually makes these things so (at least to the believer). And being as how the human mind is so much more complex and capable than we are fully aware of, it is kind of an unsettling thought to consider what could happen when we go creating entities in our heads that can take on a will of their own and are capable of horrible atrocities.

"Psychic Snares"

Psychic Snares by Matt Wall

Sometimes an ugly song...


Lyrics:

The sun already set upon it,
All the reasons long forgotten,
All the details blurring into space.
I don't need to talk about it,
Heaven knows I've thought about it.
Penance in the mirror, owning up to my mistakes.

So I don't have to listen to a word you say,
You've already taken up more time than you deserve.

When you see me, don't you speak to me
Don't you look at me
Don't you think

And I don't have to listen to a word you say,
You've already taken up more time than you deserve.

I'm no longer worried about what's right,
I'm no longer worried about what's right.
I know what I need
And I know I don't need your forgiveness.

Town Hall Goat Convention

I was on my way to the library the other day and I happened to glance at the TV screen on my way out the door. The news was on and to my surprise, I saw the face of a lady I recognized who comes in all the time to Denny's for a bite to eat. She and her family often come in before or after church on Wednesday night and I have often noted to myself that they were well-mannered, well-dressed,and well spoken; a pleasant break from the burping hordes of typical Smyrnans that fill up many a booth.
With this being said, I was arrested by the clip on the screen, because the woman here was nothing like the elegant, graceful one whom I have spoken with time and again. Here she was enraged and flailing in front of the reporter's microphone, the apparent spokesperson for the angry mob behind her at the town hall meeting opposing the nationwide health care reform that has been causing such a stir these days.
At the moment I was passing she was saying, or rather screaming, "For them to get health care when they haven't been paying in, well, it's, it's just plain wrong!"
I left the house and drove down to the library. It's just plain wrong. Wrong. Wrong, wrong. For them to get healthcare, wrong. Wrong.
I kept thinking about her words and how forceful and angry she was. The attractive forty-something looked hideous in that clip. They say that television blows you up or adds pounds to you unflatteringly, but this woman had looked frailer than usual, the bones in her face seemed hard and pronounced, her bony jaw clipping off every word.
I thought to myself, how could you say someone getting health care is wrong at all? How could those words come out of your mouth without you stopping them on their way? You are essentially saying that money is more important, more real to you than the health and well being of another, who would be, no doubt, less fortunate than yourself. How terribly embarrassing it would be to reveal a darkness like that on television.
This same family has invited me to their church in the past,and I remember thinking that they were an exception to the rule; a nice deviation from the intrusive, often offensive church crowd that I am exposed to as a waiter, the crowd that tends to leave evangelical tracts on the table where the tip should be.
Wrong! And it's starting to look like this stance of not granting healthcare to every American who needs it is the "proper" stance for the American Christian to take.
Now I'm really trying to wrap my fallen, logic corrupted mind around this strange twist of fate. These people who call themselves "Christ-ians" apparently have no idea what Jesus was talking about when he said "Love thy neighbor as thyself." I mean, I was kind of under the impression that Christians were to follow in the footsteps of Christ, a man who sacrificed himself and his personal well being for the good of the whole in an opened arm symbol of all embracing compassion.
I guess I shouldn't be confused or surprised by any of this though. Exclusionism is more of a virtue of Christianity than even charity. Most Christians define themselves by what and who they are not rather than what they are. There is a whole history of bloodshed and persecution to back that statement up. Another case in point that Jesus was not a Christian.
In the end, there is a person's religion and than there is the person's economical(and thus, political) position in the real world. The words of Christ, the whole religion, in fact, is only useful in as much as it profits the person using it. So many Christians quick to quote Romans 1 or the ten commandments or any other law and righteousness passage do so because it gives them a position from which to condescend... and this feels good for them. Meanwhile, the words in red, the words of Christ who is the very cornerstone of their religion, go largely ignored. Words like those don't sit well in the mind. They itch and agitate.
But then again, Jesus did do some excluding, picking and choosing after all. This unnerving parable shows the nature of what he valued...

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Matthew 25:31-46

"Dreamers"

Collaboration with my brother Danny...

DReaMERs by digmachine

"Every second, I drink another cup of my own blood wine.
Every instant, I break an empty cup against your door.

I reach out, wanting you to tear me open."
--Rumi

Lyrics:

You turned on the light when I was sleeping and then it was over
You turned on the light when I was sleeping and then it began
And so I said I have surely seen this face before
Surely this is someone that I know

Is it a dream?

There is always more.

Step into my office, Baby

"Sunflower Chapel"

Sunflower Chapel by Matt Wall

Lyrics:

Stay in a daze
In the place
Where you wanted to remain
In a bed that you made
In a golden glory haze.
It locks you up inside
All your brittle bones and joints
Becoming calcified
But it always was a choice.

Are you afraid of growing old?
Worried your memory might go?
What if your grip slips on the grudges that you hold?
What if the pain that has defined you
Slowly dissolves and falls behind you?
Would you hold on to what's familiar just because?

Gray, in a way
You became
And you let the colors drain
From your face
And your gaze
Became fixed upon a point.
Or could you look me in the eye
Or is there always somewhere else
Off to the left or right?
Only echoes of my voice.

Are you afraid of growing old?
Worried your memory might go?
What if your grip slips on the grudges that you hold?
What if the pain that has defined you
Slowly dissolves and falls behind you?
Would you hold on to what's familiar just because?
Would you hold on to what's familiar because it's all that you got?
I guess you better hold on
If you need somthing to hold on to, hold on...
I guess it's what you need.

Sea shell fingernail scratching at me

Are my special moments your special moments too? Are we having the same dream? I'd certainly like to think so. And since I'd like to, I will.

Lately I've been thinking that the act of carving out your own myths is the same as analyzing and searching for the truth of everything, except it's way more fun to do the first and you are allowed so much artistic freedom.

Let's make something beautiful together.

Maybe One Day You'll Stop and Realize the Throne that You Serve Is Dead

"History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake."
-Stephen Dedalus

A common misunderstanding is that all of those who have turned away from the faith, have done so out of rebellion or a desire to indulge in the sins of the flesh. The image of the prodigal son is called upon and applied to those wayward souls who have left their Father's house to gorge themselves hedonistically on Earthly pleasures, yet ever mindful of their Father's presence and love awaiting them upon return.

However, there are others, myself and some of whom I know personally, who have witnessed the entire collapse of God and faith from within their Father's house. For some it was a slow process, a series of small events and questions piling up; and for others it was one monstrous moment, perhaps a stark, potent image... maybe a small coffin fit for a child. But I digress...

What becomes obvious to one really looking, isn't so much proof positive or negative as to the existence of a God, but rather that the church and the people around you have created a god in their own image, a vain reflection of all that is specific to their culture including fears, prejudices, values, standards and so on. A god painted on a ceiling, obscuring the sky. A mirror. A projection.

Of course, many would argue against this, saying that the understanding of God and the Christian faith is built upon the Scriptures. I have two things to say about this. The first is that from every sect of Christianity down to every person who calls themselves a Christian, there exists a process of picking and choosing, a filtering of how and what is accepted(and excepted) from the Bible. And what are the deciding factors? The person's discretion is based upon their own cultural values, peer relations and personal experiences. The Scriptures are another mirror. Secondly, there is the palimpsestic nature of doctrine and interpretation specific to each sect or denomination. Upon this ancient collection of Jewish and Greek Literature that we call the Bible, there are overwritten new narratives that have been transmitted and expounded upon from priest to priest, pastor to pastor, father to son, and cult leaders to the credulous. After centuries of parallel developments and ill-motives (such as political) obscuring the histories and intent of the Scriptures, it becomes almost impossible to read the Bible without all of these prepackaged meanings jumping between you and the text.

So what does all this equate to? Well, it means that some are going to conclude that the God they were raised with was simply an image or embodiment of the culture they grew up in. And this is hardly a cause for celebration. Forlorn, many will throw themselves headlong into hedonism now as a result of this, maybe some of these will claim that there is no God at all and search for truth now along the more substantial avenues of science and materialism. One can hardly blame them for this.

So yes, there are those who have slipped out of church attendance to a life of sin, probably without a thought to what and why they do what they do, and they were probably ignorant and apathetic all the same to the inner workings of the Christian faith while in it. But then there are those who could no longer live with what they saw as a sham. They had to go. They had to throw their arms in the air and admit humbly that maybe they don't know what actually is going on. Whether they chose to believe in a god or not, they must continue in the search for truth and will seek along what paths they deem authentic or legitimate. While the Christian from within the church might picture the prodigal as grossly rolling in endless orgies, he or she might never imagine the horror and aloneness of that moment when the existential weight of responsibility descends upon one who is coming to grips with his place in an unfamiliar, unexplained universe. And beyond this, he or she could not imagine the freedom that follows.

And in the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"The foregoing generations beheld God and nature face to face; we through their eyes. Why should not we also enjoy an original relation relation to the universe? Why should not we have a poetry and philosophy of insight and not of tradition, and a religion of revelation to us, and not the history of theirs? Embosomed for a season in nature, whose floods of life stream around and through us, and invite us by the powers they supply, to action proportioned to nature, why should we grope among the dry bones of the past, or put the living generation into masquerade out of its faded wardrobe? The sun shines today also. There is more wool and flax in the fields. There are new lands, new men, new thoughts. Let us demand our own works and laws and worship."

His First Blogpost

I would like to take this moment to thank everyone who has helped me get to this point, the great shoulders I have stood upon, the bodies I have eaten, the blood, sweat and tears of my loved ones and mentors throughout the years who have greased and lubricated all my various points of contact with the world. You have all done so much... So much sacrifice.

It's understandable that you might be a little frustrated, having seen no evidence of the fruit of your labours. But alas! I have finally decided to participate and contribute to the world around me; at last my highly anticipated skills and talents will bloom forth and declare the greatness of myself and all those who have come before me. I, Matthew Wall, hereby introduce my blog and in dispassionate, glottle frillian: I mean, yeah, it'll probably change your life.